I want to tell you so much.....
Words escape me, an indescribable ache sets in and takes its place. My heart is shattered.
Then I see your smile, hear your laughter and remember.....Your soul was so so beautiful, that is what rolls around and around in my head and what is on everyones lips.
Beautiful is an understatement.
You consume a room with happiness just with that smile......your on everyones mind, and in everyones hearts.....and always will be.
I can see why people turn on God, who else is there to blame when such a magnificent, elegant human being gets taken away......one that made a difference by simply being present.
Why?......
Why you? Why not someone else, why is it always the ones that are just so....perfect.
I hang on to the knowledge that you were far too good for this world.
Heaven simply ran out of Angels, and to be honest, you were the perfect candidate here on earth, so I cant be angry at God. I would have chosen you too if it were me up there......
I believe you were in no pain, that you left gracefully, just how you used to enter a room.....I can see you smiling and at perfect peace.
Sleep comes.......
Then something wakes me, my heart stirs and Im wide awake......
Sleep has evaded me once more....
I have to close the window as the wind howling through the curtains is a perfect metaphor as to how the world is now without you in it. Dark and empty.
I am not at all surprised that a southerly came through here in the early hours of Saturday.....its like the earth knew it has lost something beautiful and it too was mourning.......
Its still grey and overcast.....The sun still hasn't come out, its not ready....Im not ready.
No amount of exfoliating in scorching hot showers or bright yellow nail polish is making anything brighter, or less painful.
But I continue to search through pictures begging my mind not to forget one memory, one drink with you, one conversation, not one.....ever.
I think of what you would do and do the same....smile. Although its through currents of tears, I know that thats what you would have wanted. But god it hurts....
You make me want to be a better person. And for that, I am grateful.
I miss you friend.
